Wednesday, March 15, 2006
memorial rain
due to a technical glitch, the server hosting my private journal of 4 years was wiped off of all its data. a minute dysfunctional slip of code snowballed over within spans of a few minutes and wiped off my most intimate feelings, darkest thoughts, and things which mattered the most and things which were never really verbalised, at least not fully.
i was striding over a sense of momental emptiness, as if a beloved had departed for good. then, i thought, maybe i've been holding on to too much of my past. it's as if a greater part of my heart and soul had fed on the sentimenal archives and brought along seasons of emotions and disaffectedness into the future, into my decisions, into my walk with God.
i have my future now with my loved ones. i have a new life. i have new persepctives. i have a new ministry to serve in, new goals, new visions. i even have new people in my life. though the ones in the past are still very much treasured and part of this wonderful new phase.
maybe i've not noticed. perhaps i've carried too much of this heaviness and weight with me until i've gotten so used to it, it's normal. the fact is that truths are undeniable, and history will forever be carved onto the tablets of our hearts long and hard. but bringing along the mountain of doubts and regrets is unnecessary. why would our father ever want to give us memories to keep for torture? if it is bad our father would not create memories. he will not make it exist altogether wouldnt he? memories are good too, when they are not heavy and weighty. they are incredible when they are immersed in blessings and thanksgiving. they are beautiful to behold when they bring a smile to our faces or when they bring lessons so invaluable that our lives are greatly lifted up in glory of our King.
maybe my lost is a beautiful lesson gained.
♠ wynnie 2:19 AM
