charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the lord is to be praised.
i spent the past 2 hours praying, worshipping and reading the word. God's supernatural powers cannot be denied again and again. What else can refresh me and lift my spirits up from brokenness to joy with no seeming 'concrete' reason or what else can just touch me and give me such sudden understanding and realisation unless it is His rhema word? There is really no way to explain it and all i can do is be appalled and fascinated by my God. Cynics or aetheists may claim that imagination, spurts of emotions or coincidences as attributed to the unexplainable experiences followers of Christ have felt. But hey, lives transformed and living this time i have in a way i've never thought possible before is definitely nothing of imaginative, emotional nor coincidental. I have questioned and doubted my own belief but have came struck by awe and rebutted by how He moved knowingly in my life time and time again. I'm lost to my own analogies and intellect. :)
This moved me to remember how i was crushed and condemned with accusations of being hypocritical. How can you give wild exclaimations of your faith on your blog and profess your self righteousness trivially when you're not perfect, when you're ... you know, like this?! How can you teach, lead, when you even fail sometimes yourself? Fill in whatever that was said back then, or familiarly so. I dont know. I'm still sinful and I cant help it. I love He who is immortal, supernatural and perfect but I cant hlep being the impish, silly, figure of imperfection whos cursed from the birth thanks to Adam & Eve! :> The word of God depicts lives of so many courageous faith-filled man and woman of God and I so wanna be like them! And thanks for letting me know that even Moses who parted the red sea is also imperfect and faithless sometimes; stupidly hitting the rock with his staff a few times instead of what God instructed and thus losing His promise land. How Joshua too gave in to the people and built a calf for them to worship because he is not too wise, or Peter's display of corwardice by denying His relationship with Jesus because he feared persecution. But hey, they are honoured and can do great things nevetheless because they are sorry and learnt from their mistakes! I want to too :) .
Of course, the gift of repentance and forgiveness is all the more reason why God is so so so much love! It is silly to think that I can believe and serve Him next time because i'm still so young! or to give him slip shod work because that would make Him who loved us so, very sad. :(
And because I 'forced' myself to spend time with God just now I was blessed tremendously. I havent been giving my 'whole' heart to Him for some time on and off and I havent been too sensitive to that. The picture of Him waiting, wholly devoted to loving me even when I'm so absorbed in the many silly things just broke me in two. it is so natural and exciting to think of ways to please Him and put a smile on His face when i am aware of Him in my life closely. But gee, it really takes alot of discipline! :) But worth it !
I just finished the book of Esther. It was 'wow'. ooo com'on... lets hope im progressively there.........................! :D
