Wednesday, March 08, 2006
bits of everything
en·thrall ( P )
(n-thrôl)tr.v. en·thralled, en·thrall·ing, en·thralls
1. To hold spellbound; captivate: The magic show enthralled the audience.
2. To enslave.
The bible at my side, journal, coffee. Realised how long it's been since I managed to capture the right words. Funny isnt it? How a verb that's sweet and used to enchant can carry meanings so deviating that it draws you back and keeps you silently pensive.
And it is scary how i realised, that i talk and think haltingly, that i seldom let my words out, and flow. how i examine every word with so much precaution, how guarded i am to my own privacy and life.
i feel like i've been holding myself way back from flying and running freely in his promises by something stringent and tight. run run, run. fly fly fly.
In this place I have no fear makes me tingle in the heart. you know how it seems like to love so hard but see more questions, fluster and chagrin. suddenly im not so sure of anything anymore.
maybe i dont.
maybe everything now is like a cocoon, or the impending religious war that threatens gently to erupt, a cold waiting volcano, a mule in labour, the end of jail times. everything everything.
do we who look in perspective who drives points of different views who travel down the emotions of heights and depth of every angle and surface who seeks the truth of beauty who fights for justice and who battle hope for the ugly things in life, really foolish or wise? who knows if there isnt really a perspective, or if everything is really simple, devoid of complexity and entanglement, free, distinct, clear cut, patent, honourable and candid?
the word the word. you sit beside the answer to all the world's profoundest mysteries and is, still mystified, dumbfounded and aphonic. you feel like the answers and all you need to be and know is screaming convulsing and throwing themselves back and forth at you like a hysterical plaything. you sit back and let it dance around you in mockery and guile. hostage to hostages.
know know, find find, seek seek run fly hide.
im so desperate to come back to you. be held. be known.
♠ wynnie 2:54 AM
