2005 has been a blast. (cos its over) it is strange how sometimes im just swarmed with a million things to say and yet am just balled over with speechlessness when i actually have the chance to do so. i have so many things running through my mind now, my family, my ministry, my relationship with God, my friends, my schoolwork and more.
i am feeling kind of hurt over something but yah, i think i wont go on to elaborate further. i guess the lines are drawn and you can see distinctly how much you mean to someone. it is perculiar how friendships are forged so frivolously at many points of our lives, and how some of them blossomed, went on to be built strong and impermeable, while others just fade away and diffuse into the memories of your life just like how clouds in the sky come in and move on in the skies of our vision. maybe our languages of love are all so different that it is really difficult to understand one another. what you deem as cherished may be effortless and empty to another. likewise it becomes poignant when you find what you have found extremely treasured with another, forgettable and unimportant to the other. what can we actually do, though. i guess even friendships are volatile and unfathomable.
i spent the last day of my year with some of the more treasured people in my life. i have loved my sheep and previous sheep and it is heartening to see friendships maintained and forged even after our seemingly 'long' phase of ministry life together is over. i feel comforted by their growth, by that new found maturity and refreshing sense of independence and thoughtfulness in them. the youth ministry is indeed a privilege and i am reminded of that yesterday as we shared about the old days in NEB, in Northeast, and our dear leader Gideon, Eelee and also Debster. We even talked till tears are literally shining in our eyes! I really cherished my time in Northeast and it is a period in my life which i will definately treasure and remember forever. Thanks Gideon, Eelee and Debster, for your amazing humility, dedication to the group, openness, trust and unconditional love for all of us. I really cannot say enough on how much I truly miss and appreciate these leaders. NE, please do treasure them :) Meanwhile, the four of us (zhiwei+siewluan+jiayi+me!) have made a pact to come together every last day of the year to review, catch up, make resolutions and share thanksgivings together. One more reason why i think 2005 did end 'with a blast'. :))
I cannot put a finger to it but i do feel very different. Coming over to Ywam has changed my perception on a great many matters. i find myself needing to rediscover and grasp basic concepts all over again. I have experienced a great many negativity; bitterness, anger and unfairness. Yet God has constantly been there to gently nudge me, to encourage me, and to speak in my heart and guide me from time to time with patience and much love. I havent felt the 'high' of worshipping or praising God that much for a long time but I do feel His closeness in my heart. I have never been more sure that He is with me, close, and I am safe and comforted in His arms. I have a renewed conviction in living my life in thanksgiving. I really want to thank God and I think there is no other way than having faith in Him, giving my best in all that I do and loving Him more.
I will not state down my new year resolutions I guess. :) Ever felt how new year resolutions only last for the first week of new year or for some, only the first day? lol. I am going to bring in my thanksgiving and new found convictions into 2006 instead. Do help me, because I am still growing. :)
Thanks to all!
Comments:
hey girl, don't know whats happening for ya, but chin up okay. :) may 2006 be a better year. HAPPY NEW YEAR WYNNIE!
my dearest shepherd, i truly enjoy time spent with you. and you are of the few that has truly touched my heart. thank you, again, for all the love, care and concern you have showered upon me. -gives a sheepy hug!- (:
: 4:46 PM