Sunday, December 25, 2005
postchristmas ode
Yesterday was great. Had a wonderful time with the ywam/ys cutiepies over at worm-mond's house. Streamboat, BBQ, orange punch with tiger beer (gasp!). The drinks were apparently spiked by the Kan maids! Lots of random running around, foam spraying fights, prank calls, card/present exchanging and card writing. The rest started to mahjong and Risk later on in the night. I dozed off on the small couch and woke up inches away from eating Ben's hair, which were pretty fluffy close up. Thanks lots to those who wrote me cards. I will remember you in my heart eternally!
I think God is a random god sometimes. He spoke to me randomly, all over. Like how the past would always be the past and God doesnt look at the past, neither past mistakes, nor past glories. God looks at me now. It's the heart I have at the present that matters to God.
I got to admit i still cannot get used to everything yet. My first christmas without carolling, mad confirmations, drawing out seating plans and planning out post christmas programmes for the girls. Ywam/Ys has been great nevetheless. :)
As I plow through my things, a ravenous urge to just sit down and be silent seized me. There's just so many things I dont like about myself. Sometimes I feel a little lost, and even bitter as why I'm created the way I am. The way circumstances unfold before me, the way things just turn out more difficult for me than it is for someone else, or how easy it is for me to attract negativity, slander and discord. I am saddened by how there's so little thanksgiving in my life. I compare so much that I can never be contented with the way I am. I want to be contented. I want to find peace in God. I want to chase after Him and not for the worldy affirmations of goodness.
I want to be more humble, and childlike again.
♠ wynnie 9:14 PM
